Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Nov 30, 2015

Anna University draws inspiration from Duckworth-Lewis method to conduct exams #MightAsWellHappen



In a sweeping statement of administrative innovation and cross-functional knowledge sharing, the reputed Anna University has proposed a new method of conducting exams for engineering students in Tamil Nadu. Incessant rains and heavy floods have forced the university to delay the exams this semester repeatedly. While students have almost forgotten which semester they were in, the university pulls out this masterpiece. Apparently, the examination controller said in an interview, the university has drawn inspiration from the famous Duckworth-Lewis method used in cricket to declare a result to matches interrupted by rain. This method requires that  a minimum percentage of the game to be complete before the rain interruption to come into place. Based on the situation of the game, the method works out a complicated projection formula and predicts who is the winner of the match.

Similarly, the university examination control board has worked out a complex formula to project the semester scores of students based on the past performances of the student and the concerned subject. When asked to explain the method, the controller said that in times of rain interruption such as this when conducting exams is not possible, they can project the scores of students without even writing the exam. Two parameters are taken into account for the projection. The student should have completed a minimum of 2 semesters. The scores of the student in the earlier semesters is one parameter. The historic data obtained from the students in each particular paper is the second variable. Based on these two parameters, the method will be able to predict how much a student would score in the current semester. 

Apr 26, 2014

AtoZ #23 - Wedding

Wedding

'Baby please' then. Bitch please now. 
-GS

Image courtesy : Dimaz Fakhruddin


Cheers,
GS

Apr 19, 2014

AtoZ #17 - Queue

Queue

Picked shorter queue. Understood Murphy's law. 
-GS

Image courtesy : Xiaojun Deng


Cheers,
GS

Apr 12, 2014

AtoZ #11 - Killer

Killer

Apparently slide#72 was killer. Nobody survived!
-GS

Image courtesy : Oliver Tacke

Cheers,
GS

Apr 9, 2014

AtoZ #8 - Hindsight bias

Hindsight bias

Apocalypse survivor proclaims "I knew it!". 
- GS

Image courtesy : Carandol Eraphodian

Cheers,
GS

Apr 8, 2014

AtoZ #7 - Grammar

Grammar

One gerund changed everything. Text. 'ing'. 
-GS

Image courtesy: Jhaymesisviphotography

Cheers,
GS

Apr 4, 2014

AtoZ #4 - Dudes

Dudes

Doood! He's fake. Pronounces it right. 
- GS

Image courtesy : Cheryl VanStane

Cheers,
GS

Aug 31, 2013

Being single


Have you ever felt that you want to change your relationship status from ‘single’ to another type of ‘single’? Have you ever felt that ‘single’ is too ambiguous for a relationship status? Have you wished for more clarity in being ‘single’? This article will tell you about the seven different categories of being single. Identify which type you are!

May 12, 2012

The bald truth about cynicism


One question before you read anything in this post. Please take a paper and pencil and list down the ten most cynical men you have met in your life. He can be a famous cynical celebrity; your school's principal; or even your distantly related uncle who has staunch doubts about the Indian economy and your company's future in particular (though he thinks that the MNC where his son works is well hedged against all risks). Now that you have written down the names, count the number of bald men in this list. How many did you get?

If you are at any stage of balding yourself, I bet you will cynically complain about the purpose of this exercise, question my sanity and move on to the next complaint. If not, there are bright chances that your answer contained more than half of names in that list. Why did we do this exercise? Let me take a little detour. I had a recent conversation with a very cynical man on a very sensitive topic. What started as a conversation turned into an argument before culminating in a long 'there is no hope' sermon which I was forced to sit out. Thankfully though, halfway into the sermon, this sudden hypothesis struck me and it seems to grow in logic with time as I think of it. Can baldness be related to cynicism in men ?

As I thought further, most cynical people whom I know turn out to be bald, though the corollary does not seem very convincing. Most cynics are bald. All bald men are not cynics.

Jan 12, 2012

(V)ada paavi !!


Foreword: This post is about a sticky situation I experienced in a North Indian city. To be precise, the city is Pune and I recently understood that people there tend to feel bad when some Southie calls them ‘North’ Indians. Well, please remember what Einstein had to say: ‘It’s all relative, brother’. I am a Hindi-illiterate South Indian whose Hindi knowledge is limited to a few movie names (courtesy: The Khans); ‘Keval ek run milega’ sort of cricket commentaries (courtesy: Doordarshan); some swear words (courtesy: Virat Kohli and Harbhajan Singh) and the ABCD stuff like ‘Thumara naam kya hai? Mera nam blah blah blah hai’ (courtesy: Margoschis Matriculation School , upto 7th standard). Apart from the poor farmer who lives in that famous Hindi village – some Tamilians say his name is Ragu Thatha – I have no acquaintances either in the Hindi speaking land.

You might have read a few open letters in the blogosphere before and my introduction would have already created the urge in you to grab the nearest available Vel Kambu or lathi -depending on your location-  to prepare for battle. If that be the case, I kindly request you to drop them immediately and focus your mind instead on a degree kaapi or dhai lassi – again depending on your location – and then read on. This post is about a Vada paav and an Appavi (roughly translated to a poor innocent man in Tamil) based on a small language problem. If you still refuse to embrace ahimsa, read my epilogue, make sure you forget my name and immediately close this page.  

Once upon a time in the recent past, I got an opportunity to visit Pune for the first time in my life. The northern most place in India I had ever visited prior to that was Bangalore.  The city threw the usual surprises at me as any new place would do for a first timer. Only Pune seemed to have a unique style and flavour of its own to do so – the paan! It was omnipotent, like God. While I could see paan stains everywhere, I also witnessed another feature of the Almighty through my mobile phone. Just like God, my mobile service provider’s network signal also teased me in that big city. It would never show itself to me and just when I start to lose heart and contemplate atheism, it would give me a fleeting vision and then disappear. There was no network coverage even in the city’s main locations. Even if every friend is important to me, this restricted me from calling any of my friends when I am in dire need of location or translation assistance.

Oct 17, 2011

One piece less- The soupy situation


Are you a deal freak or a budget conscious big spender? Do you get daily SMS alerts from Snapdeal, Groupon etc.? Do you brighten up on seeing the 'unlimited Biriyani' offers online? Here is a soupy experience of mine which can tickle your funny bone and make you think twice about your choice of the 'unlimited biriyani' cook.

A few days back, I had heeded to a long-pending request (read murder threats) for a treat from my friends to celebrate a happy personal moment. Around 8 friends were invited to the list and I zeroed in on a hitherto unheard restaurant in T Nagar based on a 50% off deal through one of the above sites. One coupon will give us a 50% discount on a minimum bill of Rs 400. I had three coupons and had planned to satiate eight hungry men within Rs 600 (which is double without discount). As luck would have it, 5 of my friends withdrew citing various reasons at the last minutes. Two were stuck by a flu and the rest packed up on unavoidable last minute trips out of Chennai due to their girlfriend, alma mater and employer respectively.

On the D-day, the 3 of us who were match-fit reached the restaurant around dinner time. We appeared like the Indian team that toured England recently - depleted by injuries and absences - and in half-strength. At least team India manages some substitutes. However we were determined to make the missing men repent the lapsed treat. Fate had other plans!

May 30, 2011

Harley Davidson and the two underwear stories

Out of sheer boredom on a sleepy sunday, I went to the Chennai Elliotts beach alone for some people watching today. (People watching  is a term different from sight-seeing/figure watching/bird watching which is a far vaster terminology inclusive of the latter too). In those four hours, I met some very interesting people who crossed my life. They were only passing clouds and I did not even speak to any of them nor did I see them for more than 2 minutes but these were clouds that formed vivid interesting shapes that stuck to my memory. One by one, here they come!

Jan 26, 2011

Why you should not browse too much on Bahamas before your Bahamas honeymoon

Enough has already been said about the scary amount of information about us that others know through social networks. Admittedly, being the social animals that we are, we tend to take this scare with a pinch of salt and probably think hard to write a witty one-liner and post it as a status message aiming to get 20 'like's. Hence this article does not in any way force you to forbid social networking. All it tried to do is to make us aware of how the information we let loose can be used (read sold). I, being one of the so-called social animals myself, start this article with my witty one-liner. 

Social network indulgence is subject to privacy risks. Please read data mining carefully before updating status !

Social networks strive to influence and arrange contact and information sharing of many people. Meanwhile they also develop statistical tools to eavesdrop and sell information to the giant ears of the businessmen who eternally want that elusive root cause. This is normal statistical analysis. These sites also sell information to another set of giant business ears which want fodder to run their predictive machines. Fed by information input about us through social networks, marketers decide what to say to whom and whom to say what. 

Let us look at five ways in which social networks can mint money through predictive analytics. 

Jan 9, 2011

Humour under the hammer - IPL auction day 1


Today is the day 1 of the much followed IPL player auction 2011. As we have one more day to go, there is no denying that the auctions have been more interesting to watch than IPL itself. Meanwhile, sources very close to the players auctioned (an altered form of the Wikileaks, calling itself the Whacky leaks) reveal never-before published and never-ever-to-be-published reactions. Excerpts of the reactions as follows...

Nov 24, 2010

'Cat'egoric denials

THIS ....


BECAME THIS WITH SOME GS INTERVENTION ...

Dedicated to all happy-go-lucky romeos !! :-)

-GS

Nov 11, 2010

A story of exams in colleges told in pictures















Cheers
GS

May 22, 2010

Chronicles of a weak week


Health is wealth. Accepted! (out of experience). But one can not deny that today, only when that wealth gets stolen, one gets to steal some pit stops from the race. Of course those sick leave days are not all that sick. Here is how I fell sick and spent a weak week recently.

Wonder why I was despised so badly by a few invisibles, I was officially food-poisoned a fortnight back. The invisibles were truly invincible too. As a matter of fact, the above sentence is an upto-my-best attempt at describing energy loss from the body due to gastric problems such as nausea and amoebiasis to the least embarrassing extent. So, long story short, I was poisoned and had to seek refuge at the locally available panacea- mother's care and home food- to recover and write this chronicle. Lets move ahead to the brighter side of the dull ill days.

1. No work: I can't exactly say I was jobless- may be we can say I was workless at my job then. (For further details on this condition, please consult any nearest available software benchwarmer). So with a single e-mail and a bearded and tired status-proof visit to my employer, I was off-work for a week.

2. Home sweet home: Bachelors like me (eligible of course... but that is out of context here) will be accustomed to the "Elaichu poitiye da"s that greet them first up on a home visit. (Means 'You have lost weight'). My visit had an additional sentence too this time, "Nalla velai... Polachu vandiye da". (Means 'Thank goodness, you made it alive till here'). This gives a rough picture about how I reached home. This recovery trip meant a cut to most of the usual home-perks. No feasts, no sweets, no milk too. But when served with proper care, even dissolved idlis (without any chutney) and rice kanjis can taste like the elixir too. That was discovery #1 in this week.

3. Cousin company: Co-incidentally, my enemies chose a summer vacation to poison me. So I was thankfully blessed with the company of cousins and the vacation-visiting sister at home. The television proved to be dull, sickening, nauseating, heart-breaking and tear-jerking (due to the serials for my mother; due to the remote possession statistics for me) as usual. Henceforth, the fifth standard passed cousin assumes a very greater significance in making my stay enjoyable for me. Kids are kids all the time and this kid is an especially bright one. I still remember when I taught him social sciences for his V std annual exam. Reading about the climatic descriptions of the tropical desert regions (Hot and dry; very humid; scanty rainfall etc. ), he argued with me for long why our areas are not classified under this section. At the end of the argument, I had to concede defeat actually. No kidding with the kids , see.....Discovery #2 !

4. IV myth: Three years ago, when somebody authorised an IV for me, I would have been rejoicing. Well, that was college and that was expanded as Industrial Visit. Intra-venous glucose administration is not a funny prescription though. I tried not to capitulate to this IVfication, for I did not want to feel like a patient ending up flat on a hospital bed with a bottle counting 1..2...3... over my head. Strangely, no patient wants to feel like a patient. And all doctors know that. And all parents support that. No escapade.. therefore. One day, two people in the room, three bottles of glucose, four walls to surround, seven hours (I don't get anything for five and six.. sorry :-) ). Discovery #3- All IVs are not fun!

5. Glucose and its different forms: Lying on bed with the mobile phone's company, I actually found out there are too many supplementary forms of glucose available. Texting your pals is the first of them. Having people who respond to your texts when you need them the most is the second. Having such people in plural is the third revelation. Having a friendly father to discuss politics and Bangalore food when you are tired of texting with one hand (with the right wrist supporting the butterfly shaped needle, left-hand texting can consume some energy reserves for simpletons like me) was the ultimate soothing rediscovery. With the glucose and all these supplements, I seemed to get more than the prescribed dose of energy that day. Discovery #4- This IV is not all that bad either.

6. The first touch to older times: Even after glucosification, the gastric infection does its best to keep you away from tasting food, courtesy: appetite loss and a recurrence fear. So the first meal you take in the full course marks a significant feat to normalcy once again. Up and running I may go anywhere, that first normal meal's taste will linger forever. Discovery #5!

7. Ultimate discovery: This can not be actually termed a discovery because the process is ongoing and conclusive evidences are yet to be found. But a week's sickness-assisted solidarity and surroundings provides cope to a lot of introspection. Self-discovery will get a good boost during such times- this is a scientifically proven fact testified by many wise people- of solidarity and adds considerable inputs to your ongoing discovery process. Hence, Self is the actual Discovery#5.5!

PS- 1. From the fact that I am writing this, you can be assured that I am alright now. So enquiries and condolences on that front can be avoided, please.
2. I requested my father to take a picture of me with the IV tubes in the hospital for this blogpost. That was the only occasion when he gave me a cold glare. So no pictures, kindly adjust:-)

Cheers
GS

Nov 29, 2009

TVS Apache ad in a stoyboard




This is another part of the same event that asked me to give excuses . The task here is to fill in the dialogue boxes in the cartoon board and make an ad for TVS Apache out of it. Pictures are given. Words are mine:-)

Nov 27, 2009

Xcuse me, will you ?!


Can I get out of the worst of the worst situations using my gab skills? A college challenged me recently with four situations. My gab is here for u all to see ..... Will you let me go ?


A policeman catches you red handed peeing on the roadside
    “Sshh! Who do you think I am? Listen carefully! I am an undercover  soldier. There are biotoxic landmines in here.  Latest Terrorist Science! Only way to diffuse them is uric acid. No time to talk. I need your help here. Wet the other side of the road. Quick!” 


You gave a love letter to the wrong girl and you are in custody of her boyfriend.
  “Friend! I understand your rage. But I am more concerned as to why she copied a few lines from that letter in her notebook and bookmarked the page ‘For Reference’. I somehow feel its time you watch your back bro…”

You are a washer man (dhobi) and you’ve been caught by your customer, when you were roaming around wearing his clothes.
  “Sorry Sir! Today is my dear grandpa’s death anniversary. Great man! He always advised me to put myself in my customer’s place to succeed in business. Just got a bit emotional thinking of him today”

You are a high school graduate and your dad catches you purchasing a box of condoms.
   “Dad! See this? They are selling plastic covers for leaking fountain pens. Now my shirt won’t get stained and Mom won’t go mad at your washing”
-GS :-)