(V)ada paavi !!

Foreword: This post is about a sticky situation I experienced in a North Indian city. To be precise, the city is Pune and I recently understood that people there tend to feel bad when some Southie calls them ‘North’ Indians. Well, please remember what Einstein had to say: ‘It’s all relative, brother’. I am a Hindi-illiterate South Indian whose Hindi knowledge is limited to a few movie names (courtesy: The Khans); ‘Keval ek run milega’ sort of cricket commentaries (courtesy: Doordarshan); some swear words (courtesy: Virat Kohli and Harbhajan Singh) and the ABCD stuff like ‘Thumara naam kya hai? Mera nam blah blah blah hai’ (courtesy: Margoschis Matriculation School , upto 7^th standard). Apart from the poor farmer who lives in that famous Hindi village – some Tamilians say his name is Ragu Thatha – I have no acquaintances either in the Hindi speaking land.

You might have read a few open letters in the blogosphere before and my introduction would have already created the urge in you to grab the nearest available Vel Kambu or lathi -depending on your location-  to prepare for battle. If that be the case, I kindly request you to drop them immediately and focus your mind instead on a degree kaapi or dhai lassi – again depending on your location – and then read on. This post is about a Vada paav and an Appavi (roughly translated to a poor innocent man in Tamil) based on a small language problem. If you still refuse to embrace ahimsa, read my epilogue, make sure you forget my name and immediately close this page.  

Once upon a time in the recent past, I got an opportunity to visit Pune for the first time in my life. The northern most place in India I had ever visited prior to that was Bangalore.  The city threw the usual surprises at me as any new place would do for a first timer. Only Pune seemed to have a unique style and flavour of its own to do so – the paan! It was omnipotent, like God. While I could see paan stains everywhere, I also witnessed another feature of the Almighty through my mobile phone. Just like God, my mobile service provider’s network signal also teased me in that big city. It would never show itself to me and just when I start to lose heart and contemplate atheism, it would give me a fleeting vision and then disappear. There was no network coverage even in the city’s main locations. Even if every friend is important to me, this restricted me from calling any of my friends when I am in dire need of location or translation assistance.

One piece less- The soupy situation

Are you a deal freak or a budget conscious big spender? Do you get daily SMS alerts from Snapdeal, Groupon etc.? Do you brighten up on seeing the 'unlimited Biriyani' offers online? Here is a soupy experience of mine which can tickle your funny bone and make you think twice about your choice of the 'unlimited biriyani' cook.

A few days back, I had heeded to a long-pending request (read murder threats) for a treat from my friends to celebrate a happy personal moment. Around 8 friends were invited to the list and I zeroed in on a hitherto unheard restaurant in T Nagar based on a 50% off deal through one of the above sites. One coupon will give us a 50% discount on a minimum bill of Rs 400. I had three coupons and had planned to satiate eight hungry men within Rs 600 (which is double without discount). As luck would have it, 5 of my friends withdrew citing various reasons at the last minutes. Two were stuck by a flu and the rest packed up on unavoidable last minute trips out of Chennai due to their girlfriend, alma mater and employer respectively.

On the D-day, the 3 of us who were match-fit reached the restaurant around dinner time. We appeared like the Indian team that toured England recently - depleted by injuries and absences - and in half-strength. At least team India manages some substitutes. However we were determined to make the missing men repent the lapsed treat. Fate had other plans!

The unusual Vijay fan and the leap of faith

People-watching is a term I used to refer to observing interesting characters who cross you in your daily routine. To read my earlier post on people watching, please click here. This post is a quick bite extension of people-watching adventures. For convenience sake and for some commercial sake, let me call such posts "Anthronicles" from now on...I plan to write a bit more frequently about Anthronicle experiences in here under a separate label..

This particular episode is that of an unusual Vijay fan. For starters who do not know Mr. Vijay (well, I want to write actor Vijay or at least Dr. Vijay but my conscience pricks. However hard I try, that leap of faith seems tough to me. Watch this leap and you will know why) Until yesterday, whenever I think of Vijay and local trains together, I immediately go to an elite feeling of pure innocent joy caused by unadulterated humour (Ok I accept.. not unadulterated ! heroism 20 % humour 80%)

Harley Davidson and the two underwear stories

Out of sheer boredom on a sleepy sunday, I went to the Chennai Elliotts beach alone for some people watching today. (People watching  is a term different from sight-seeing/figure watching/bird watching which is a far vaster terminology inclusive of the latter too). In those four hours, I met some very interesting people who crossed my life. They were only passing clouds and I did not even speak to any of them nor did I see them for more than 2 minutes but these were clouds that formed vivid interesting shapes that stuck to my memory. One by one, here they come!

Raindrop's moment of truth

First raindrop
falls on the glass.
The sky shrinks!

- GS

Read the Tamil version of this haiku here. 

Why you should not browse too much on Bahamas before your Bahamas honeymoon

Enough has already been said about the scary amount of information about us that others know through social networks. Admittedly, being the social animals that we are, we tend to take this scare with a pinch of salt and probably think hard to write a witty one-liner and post it as a status message aiming to get 20 'like's. Hence this article does not in any way force you to forbid social networking. All it tried to do is to make us aware of how the information we let loose can be used (read sold). I, being one of the so-called social animals myself, start this article with my witty one-liner. 

Social network indulgence is subject to privacy risks. Please read data mining carefully before updating status !

Social networks strive to influence and arrange contact and information sharing of many people. Meanwhile they also develop statistical tools to eavesdrop and sell information to the giant ears of the businessmen who eternally want that elusive root cause. This is normal statistical analysis. These sites also sell information to another set of giant business ears which want fodder to run their predictive machines. Fed by information input about us through social networks, marketers decide what to say to whom and whom to say what. 

Let us look at five ways in which social networks can mint money through predictive analytics. 

Humour under the hammer - IPL auction day 1

Today is the day 1 of the much followed IPL player auction 2011. As we have one more day to go, there is no denying that the auctions have been more interesting to watch than IPL itself. Meanwhile, sources very close to the players auctioned (an altered form of the Wikileaks, calling itself the Whacky leaks) reveal never-before published and never-ever-to-be-published reactions. Excerpts of the reactions as follows...

'Cat'egoric denials

THIS ....

BECAME THIS WITH SOME GS INTERVENTION ...

Dedicated to all happy-go-lucky romeos !! :-)

-GS

A story of exams in colleges told in pictures

Cheers
GS

The appalling fate of the apostrophe

This post is for the love and support of a long-time friend - the apostrophe. In friendship, it is but true that with deeper understanding, the bonding grows stronger. That is how we became thick friends. Out of many friends that I met in the grammatical highway, the apostrophe remains unique because not many people seemed to understand it rightly. It was bullied, abused and tortured. Alas,  there was even a strong movement waiting to just eradicate it from the planet. Its only respite and reason to live are a few understanding people like us. 

We feel for the tigers and small birds and oil-bathed fishes facing extinction. What about the silent murders of genuine language, friends? I, for now, raise my voice in favour of my friend apostrophe, at the risk of being called a nerd or a loser or worse still, a purist! Doesn't matter. It is for the love of the known.

Do you think Wren and Martin or Tholkaapiar did not laugh heartily for a joke in their lives? Do you think they did not love and make kids (of course in addition to making some rules) ? The point is they were normal people too, who were also smitten by the love of the known. They knew the language and its intricacies and fell in love with it. 

The apostrophe is now facing a three-pronged attack  from evil forces. Let me try to negate them one by one.

Threat #1. Problem of plenty:-

Oil is scarce. Apostrophe is not. Use it as you like it!

There is a great human tendency of adding one more lock to the already existing 1672 locks on the treasure-case, should a doubt just arise about its safety. After all, what stops them? Apostrophes are stuck in this problem of plenty with people in doubt. Who stops them from using one where ever an 'S' follows? Just Do It... O pity!

 

How often do you listen to people writing plurals in possession- apple's , banana's, martini's, masal dosa's .... Please note that these are rogue corrupt materialists who want everything in plurals and in their possession always. They are huge threats to the sanctity of the world and the recent global economic recession was a direct cause of their adventurous overdrives. 

Be frugal with apostrophes. You can't litter the conversation space with apostrophes just because they are free to use. Know where to use it and act wisely. In future, you definitely won't get a message like "1411 apostrophes left". But "1411 proper-users of apostrophe left" is definitely possible. 

Threat #2. There are enough curves already. Who cares? :-

There are enough curves already there.
Why bother for one more?

If you think its okay, THAT'S NOT! It has to be "it's" (or) "that's" if you were bothered about the underlying message of Paris Hilton's
T-shirt. 

Sure there is no dearth of curves around in this world. So if you think there is no point in bothering about another innocent unglamorous little curvy punctuation, (and if you think the blonde won't notice the apostrophe that you missed), think again!

There are too many people in the world who just don't care about the finer details. They don't bother to read between the lines of a loan contract and eventually sink the world in recession. They don't bother to  spot and appreciate the girlfriend's tiny ear-piercing from yesterday and end up breaking relationships. They don't bother to read all their answer options thoroughly before missing the "All the above" in the 5th option. The apostrophe is just another redundant detail that they omit. 

Wake up! Pay attention to detail! The apostrophe can teach you a a lesson of watchfulness. It can save your home, woo your girlfriend (only if you don't bother to bother about her apostrophe abuse) and earn you reputation and status. 

Threat #3. I hate possessiveness:-

Gentlemen, I thoroughly understand if you are open-minded and resent your girlfriend's possessiveness. You  may know to use the apostrophe but it is an attitude issue here with you. You don't want to show off possession. You are liberal, broad-minded and can go with anyone out there. The apostrophe is a sign of closed-thinking, possessiveness and obsolescence to you. 

Your attitude can be changed easily with a changed perception. Please do not think the apostrophe as your girlfriend's possessiveness. Think of it as the divine feeling of anger and thirst for the blood of the bas***d who takes your girl away from you. The apostrophe will look more beautiful than your girl's curves to you now. 

Have you ever noticed? The apostrophe's possession context symbolises a divine truth. You never use an apostrophe to show your material possession. It is "mine" and not "mine' ". It only reiterates the possession of the second or third or any nth person. It politely asks you not to boast about your materialistic possessions and be aware of the possession of the other man and respect it. Is it not the message given by greats like Gandhi as prescription for global peace and brotherhood?

As you see now, the apostrophe, my dear friend, is a soft and genuine symbol of abstinence, wisdom, respect to humanity, global peace and also your girlfriend's curves. There is absolutely nothing to hate about it. Please save the apostrophe!!!

-An earnest friend's open request

Please read voices from more friends of the apostrophe here . 

Send a friend request to apostrophe here 

GS